Couples who say "we" have a better shot at resolving conflicts and marital issues

By Yasmin Anwar, Media Relations 

A new study from the University of California, Berkeley, suggests that spouses who use "we-ness" language are better able to resolve conflicts than those who don't.

UC Berkeley researchers analyzed conversations between 154 middle-aged and older couples about points of disagreement in their marriages and found that those who used pronouns such as "we," "our" and "us" behaved more positively toward one another and showed less physiological stress. Marital issues are more easily resolved with a "we" attitude.

In contrast, couples who emphasized marital issues that arise from their "separateness" by using pronouns such as "I," "me" and "you" were found to be less satisfied in their marriages. This marital approach was especially true for older couples. Their use of separateness pronouns was most strongly linked to unhappy marriages, according to the study.

Moreover, the study found that older couples identified more as "we" than did their middle-aged counterparts, suggesting that facing obstacles and overcoming challenges together over the long haul, including raising families, may give couples a greater sense of shared identity.

"Individuality is a deeply ingrained value in American society, but, at least in the realm of marriage, being part of a 'we' is well worth giving up a bit of 'me,'" said UC Berkeley psychology professor Robert Levenson, a co-author of the study published last semester in the journal Psychology and Aging.

Previous studies have established that the use of "we-ness" or "separateness" language is a strong indicator of marital satisfaction in younger couples. These latest findings, however, take this several steps further by showing how powerful this correlation is in more established couples, linking it to the emotions and physiological responses that occur when spouses either team up or become polarized in the face of disagreements, researchers said.

"The use of 'we' language is a natural outgrowth of a sense of partnership, of being on the same team, and confidence in being able to face problems together," said study co-author Benjamin Seider, a graduate student in psychology at UC Berkeley.

In addition to Seider and Levenson, co-authors of the marital issues study, "We Can Work It Out: Age Differences in Relational Pronouns, Physiology and Behavior in Marital Conflict," are Gilad Hirschberger and Kristin Nelson, who conducted their research while at UC Berkeley's Institute of Personality and Social Research.

In primary care settings, prevalence estimates of major depressive disorder range from 5% to 13% in all adults, with lower estimates in those older than 55 years (6% to 9%).

In 2002, the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force (USPSTF) recommended screening adults for depression in clinical practices that have systems to ensure accurate diagnosis, effective treatment, and follow-up.

Major depressive disorder (MDD) is common, with an estimated lifetime prevalence of 13.2%.

In primary care settings, prevalence estimates of MDD range from 5% to 13% in all adults, with lower estimates in those older than 55 years (6% to 9%).

Primary care practitioners manage approximately one third to one half of non elderly adults and almost two thirds of older adults  who received treatment for MDD. The severity of depressive symptoms in patients who receive treatment in primary care is equivalent to that of patients treated in psychiatric settings. For example, approximately 43% of such primary care patients report some degree of suicidal ideation within the previous week.

In 2002, the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force (USPSTF) recommended screening adults for depression in clinical practices that have systems to ensure accurate diagnosis, effective treatment, and follow-up.

Subsequent reviewers have concluded that screening does not improve health outcomes, but care management systems for depressed patients improve depression remission rates. Commentators on these divergent reviews have been divided.

The Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality conducted a systematic review to aid the USPSTF in updating its 2002 recommendation for adult depression screening in primary care. We sought to

1) identify evidence published since the previous review on the benefits of screening for depression in primary care and integrate it with the previously identified evidence and

2) review the evidence in several areas in which evidence was insufficient at the time of the previous review or not was examined by the previous review.

This includes the benefits of depression treatment in older adults, the harms of depression screening, and the harms of depression treatment with antidepressant medications.

Conclusion:
Depression screening programs without substantial staff-assisted depression care supports are unlikely to improve depression outcomes. Close monitoring of all adult patients who initiate antidepressant treatment, particularly those younger than 30 years, is important both for safety and to ensure optimal treatment.

Read more at the Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality

Some say that violence is part of the American psyche...but it doesn't have to be.  We need practical solutions for our stress, aggression and communication habits.  There ARE better solutions than violence.

Violence between couples is usually the result of a calculated decision-making process and the partner inflicting violence will do so only as long as the price to be paid is not too high.

Loss of Control Differs at Home and Work

This is the conclusion of a new study by Dr. Eila Perkis at the University of Haifa. "The violent partner might conceive his or her behavior as a 'loss of control', but the same individual, unsurprisingly, would not lose control in this way with a boss or friends," she explains.

Law-abiding, Normal People...Outside!

In this new study, carried out at the University of Haifa's School of Social Work, Dr. Perkis examined intimate violence based on the fact that in most cases the offending partner is a law-abiding individual living a normative life outside of the family unit. Dr. Perkis says that in most cases the couple continues living together and sustaining a shared family unit, so it is important that we learn to understand the dynamics of such partnerships in order to treat them.

Family Dynamics of Intimate Violence

First Dr. Perkis divided intimate violence into four levels of severity:

1. verbal aggression;
   
2. threats of physical aggression;
   
3. moderate physical aggression; and
   
4. severe physical aggression
   

Verbal Violence Escalates

"These four levels follow one another in an escalating sequence; someone who uses verbal violence might well move on over time to threatening physical attack, and from there it is only downhill towards acting on the threat," she explains. Dr. Perkis warns however, that the results of this study should not be correlated to cases of murder, since the dynamics between couples in such cases are different and such offenses are not included in the chain of violent acts being examined.

Solving Conflicts

The researcher found that acting on each type of violence is calculated, such that the violence constitutes a tool for solving conflict between the partners.

"Neither of the couple sits down and plans when he or she will swear or lash out at the other, but there is a sort of silent agreement standing between the two on what limits of violent behavior are 'ok', where the red line is drawn, and where behavior beyond that could be dangerous," she explains.

She adds that when speaking of one-sided physical violence, most often carried out by men, the violent side understands that for a slap, say, he will not pay a very heavy price, but for harsher violence that is not included in the 'normative' dynamic between them, he might well have to pay a higher price and will therefore keep himself from such behavior. 

Leaving or Reporting the Incident...Is a Heavy Price to Pay!

"A 'heavy price' could be the partner's leaving or reporting the incident to the police or the workplace. As such, it can be said that violent behavior is not the result of loss of control and both sides are aware of where the red line is drawn, even if such an agreement has never been spoken between them," she says.

Better Tools for Solving Conflict

According to Dr. Perkis, it is important to point out that use of violence is not a normative behavior; it is illegal, and of course, immoral. Therefore, it is only the violent partner who is culpable for the act. Nevertheless, once we understand that violence is being used as a tool for solving conflict between a couple that is interested in staying together, we can help them subdue such behavior by providing them with better tools to cope with the source of tension and conflict in their lives together.

"In couples therapy for partners who express the wish to stay together, therapy must be focused on identifying illegitimate motives, such as nonnormative tactics for solving conflict, and assisting the couple in acknowledging their ability to convert destructive patterns into effective ones and ultimately to run their lives better," the researcher concludes.

Solutions:

• Identify illegitimate motives
• Tactics for solving conflicts
• Ability to change destructive patterns into effective ones
• Run lives better
  

Ann Hettinger reports that brain experts say it's possible to corral your brainpower, filter out distractions, and master any task by improving your concentration.

Here's what to do about it.

Get organized

If you have several to-dos, decide what to tackle first, and clear all other projects off your desk and computer screen.

Participate

If you daydream during meetings, challenge yourself by thinking of questions and actively joining the discussion.

Change your scenery

When you start to lose concentration, leave your desk and take a walk outside or to the office common space for a mental breather.

For more tips on corraling your brain power, visit Interns Over 40 for a wide variety of Boomer work insights and tips.

In interviews, the first question I get in America is always: "What do you do to stay young?" I do nothing. I don't think aging is a problem. 

What irritates me a little is growing fatter.  It irritates me that if I eat what I want to eat it shows.

Yes, my face has wrinkles. But I don't find it monstrous. I'm so surprised that the emphasis on aging here is on physical decay, when aging brings such incredible freedom. 

Now what I want most is laughs.  I don't want to hurt anybody by laughing -- there is no meanness to it. I just want to laugh."

...as told to Johanna Schneller
O Magazine, September 2009

How would you like a coffeehouse or snack bar named for you? 

Vitalize! Wellness Centre, is a state‐of‐the‐art development that opened as part of the Ecumen community Parmly LifePointes in Chicago City, called Ruben's, named for a 94‐year‐old resident, and lifetime swimmer.  Being active in a local community brings many rewards...and a great community will use its own facilities to acknowledge achievements and inspiring people to further their mission -- including naming facilities after key residents!

The Vitalize! Wellness Centre,  features a warm‐water pool, juicing classes and rows of high‐tech exercise machines that boost a goal of helping residents to seize personal responsibility for "aging well." Ruben Berg is a prime example of that accomplishment, says Patricia Montgomery, the center's director.

She defines aging well as "live long, die short."

A 1998 book titled "Successful Aging," based on results of the groundbreaking MacArthur Foundation Study, taught us the powerful role each of us has in shaping our health and well‐being as we age.

Our genes determine only 30% of our destiny! 
The other 70 percent is up to us!

A decade after the book was published, other studies have confirmed and advanced those findings.

Most people can recite the wisdom of regular exercise, keeping weight within limits and that smoking is bad for your health, says Robert Kahn, co‐author of "Successful Aging"

He sees progress in Americans' understanding of aging well, he says. But it shows up more in what they know than what they do.  Like obesity -- it's increasing rather than decreasing.

Kahn sees too little about why people are living longer and what longer life means, he adds. "Or what a longer and productive and happy life can be."

He wants to see more information circulated about other findings, too, such as the need to challenge our brains often and in new ways to stay mentally sharp. And he'd like to see more about learning and productivity in older people's lives and less about leisure.

We get the hint :-)  So in this blog ... "Solutions for Senior Health" we're focusing on learning and productivity and healthful living!  Good behavior!

Dr. Roger Landry travels the country to educate audiences about aging well and to promote and train care providers in the how‐to of masterpiece living, a plan for successful living inspired by the MacArthur Foundation Study.

Questions remain about how to make it happen. "One is how to engage older adults. They're smart people with interesting lives." But our broader society tends to push them aside. Changing that, he says, would be a "win‐win" for people of every age.

IDEAS:  crossword puzzles and Sudoko and software such as  [m]Power cognitive fitness technology

Spirituality and Social Connectedness -- Solution for Isolation

Understanding of the value of both spirituality and social connectedness is growing, he says. "If we stay in our homes, almost by definition we stay more and 3
more isolated." Studies show that isolation heightens the risk of cancer, cardiovascular disease, dementia, falling and fractures.

"Alzheimer's disease still terrifies people," Landry says, and many aren't aware there are ways to ward it off.

Americans need to replace high levels of stress, which he calls "our national sickness," with more serenity and soulfulness.

States Are Developing Senior Communities

Cleveland (Ohio) Foundation Successful Aging Initiative (http://www.successfulaging.org), which is developing a three‐year, $4 million plan to create and maintain elder‐friendly communities in the city. Goals include creating lifelong learning and development centers and promoting employment and volunteer opportunities for older people.

Colorado,  (www.silverprintcolorado.org) is developing an independent coalition of individuals, organizations and businesses with a vision  to establish a culture for positive aging and addressing needs, contributions and opportunities for people age 60‐plus.

6 Dimensions of Wellness

• physical
• emotional
• intellectual
• social
• vocational
• spiritual

The hope is that individuals will hold onto an independent spirit. That can mean living one's passion, whether it's a long‐held one, something they've always wanted to try or a new discovery.

SOURCE:  Ecumen, "Senior Housing and Successful Aging in the 21st Century"

Experience Works is a national, charitable, community-based organization that helps older adults get the training they need to find good jobs in their communities.

The largest program offered by Experience Works is the Senior Community Service Employment Program (SCSEP). This program, funded under Title V of the Older Americans Act as well as state and local grants, enables us to help thousands of low-income individuals, age 55 and older, throughout the United States.

Through this program, seniors benefit from training, counseling, and community service assignments at faith-based and community organizations in their communities, prior to transitioning into the workforce.

Participants are placed at eligible host agencies (primarily at faith-based and community organizations) for which they are paid the minimum wage for an average of 20 hours per week. A host agency is either a private nonprofit organization (other than a political party) that is tax exempt under section 501(c) (3) of the Internal Revenue code of 1954, or a public agency operated by a unit of government.

38% of Experience Work's SCSEP participants found permanent jobs, notably as

• teachers' aides
• emergency dispatchers
• care providers
• clerical assistants

Program Qualifications

• Be 55 years of age or older, and a resident of the state where he or she is enrolled in the SCSEP program.
• Annual family income must not be more than 125% of the established federal poverty income guidelines.
• Be eligible to work in the United States.
• Be currently unemployed.

New research shows that for some people exposed to traumatic events, repressing these memories may be less harmful in the long run.

"Going back to the days of Sigmund Freud, psychiatrists and mental health experts have suggested that repression of traumatic memories could lead to health problems," Dr. Boscarino said. "Yet we have found little evidence that repression had an adverse health impact on combat veterans exposed to psychological trauma many years later."

In a study that appears in the June issue of the research publication Journal of Nervous & Mental Diseases, Dr. Boscarino and Tulane University investigator Charles Figley, Ph.D.,
examined the long-term mortality rates of Vietnam veterans who were evaluated in 1985 with follow up in 2000.

By studying the death certificates and records of a random sample of more than 4,000 veterans 30 years after military service, the researchers found that having PTSD along with a repressive personality trait does not necessarily lead to premature death.

The researchers say this is an important finding because exposure therapy is a prevailing practice in psychiatry, a technique that encourages patients to relive painful or traumatic events. Yet, for some patients, this therapy may inadvertently cause a resurfacing of PTSD symptoms and psychological distress, putting that patient at risk for health problems.

Previous research by Boscarino has shown that PTSD may cause premature death from heart disease, leads to elevated white blood cell counts and higher erythrocyte sedimentation rate levels (both of which indicates inflammation), and may cause other disease such as rheumatoid arthritis.

Dr. Figley, who served in Vietnam as a Marine at the same time as Dr. Boscarino, believes this study is a wake- up call to all those who care about combat veterans.

"These men and women deserve our respect in recognizing that they often know better than we do in how to manage their stressful memories, in most cases," Dr. Figley said.

About Geisinger Health System
Founded in 1915, Geisinger Health System is one of the nations largest integrated health services organizations. Serving more than 2.6 million residents throughout central and northeastern Pennsylvania, the physician-led organization is a nationally recognized leader in the use of electronic health records, patient access and engagement in their healthcare, and in medical education for the next generation.